My conversation with this elderly widow took an unexpected turn when she began telling me how her late husband began courting her. The lady is not one to say much about her married life, which lasted for fifty years plus till his death, so I was surprised she wanted to tell me these stories.
What she shared can be seen in Chamorro life long before her; the strictness and the rules of courtship. But in the late 1950s, early 1960s when she was of dating age, life had changed on Guam in other ways. There were more venues to take a girl out than before the war. There was much more access to automobiles.
But the dating rules of old Guam were still in force as in her grandmother's day, as she relates :
"My late husband told me he first saw me at a parish dance when I was 15 and he was 16. He knew better than to come up and talk to me, since I was still young and he knew my parents were strict. But he said he took one look at me and said, 'That's my girl. I will marry her one day.'
When I was already 16, my father allowed me to work a few hours after school at a nearby store. My father knew the owners, an elderly couple, and they assured my father they would keep an eye on who was trying to talk to me.
My husband would come every week and buy a case of 7-Up just to be able to see me and exchange a few words, always with a big smile. He didn't have to say much. I saw it in his eyes. I pretended not to notice and treated him like everybody else. The store owners, especially the wife, probably could tell this man liked me, but so did a few other men but nothing ever happened and she never brought up the topic. But every week he came and bought a case of 7-Up.
Finally when I began my senior year at George Washington, my husband came to my house and asked to speak to my dad. Being a year older than me, my husband was already graduated and found a good job with the Navy and, even though he only had a high school diploma, his supervisor at the Navy liked him and put him in an apprentice program. It wasn't an official program, more like the supervisor told an experienced worker to take my husband under his wings and teach him everything.
I guess my husband felt more confident that way and he asked my dad if he could visit me at my home. He also told my dad that if my dad needed any help around the house or at the ranch, he would help. He told my dad that he had a good job and that I was already a senior so it's time to look at the future.
I think my dad liked my husband's confidence and said, "OK, you can visit here but only on these days and at these times." And when my husband did come to visit, there were my mom and dad sitting with us, and me on one side of the såla (living room) and my husband on the other side. Of course we could not talk about everything we wanted to but we did talk about his family, his work and his hopes for the future so I did get to know more about him.
Finally my dad allowed my husband to take me on dates but only on Saturday night so there would be no interference with my homework. We would go to the movies. We had the Johnston, Universal, Gaiety and even the Drive In theaters. He taught me how to bowl at the Guam Bowling Center. A favorite of mine was going to Dairy Queen in East Agaña. Every time we went I tried a different thing. When he was low on money we'd just go to the beach. And he had to be low on money sometimes because every time he took me out, there were never less than four of us; me, him and two others in my family. If not my brothers and sisters then even a cousin. And he had to pay for all of us! He would tell me, "It cost me my life savings to win your hand in marriage!"
But that's how my parents felt safe letting me go on a date. And my parents were smart enough to always have one of my sisters go, not just a brother, because brothers are easily bribed. The guy just has to give him a few dollars and tell him to go away for a while and he will. But my two sisters would never do that, so either both sisters go with me, or one sister then one of my brothers.
My birthday is in January so in January of my senior year, I turned 18. According to American law, I was now free to do what I want, but try doing that when you're still living with your Chamorro parents. At the same time, I didn't want to go with the modern ways. I saw that the old kostumbre (customs) were good and protected me.
But my husband came to my dad in February asking permission to take me to the senior prom just him and me, since I was already 18. He promised to take me from my home straight to the dance, where my aunt would be because she worked at George Washington and would be at the prom. Then when the prom was over straight back to my house. So my dad said "yes" under those conditions.
Well, on the way to the prom, my husband's car had a flat tire. It really did! And he did not have a spare. Luckily, he pulled over near a friend's house who just happened to have a spare tire lying around the house in Chalan Pago. So we made it to the prom, but almost an hour late. My husband explained to my auntie what happened and even showed her his dirty hands and dust on his clothes, but my auntie was not happy.
When my husband dropped me home, my dad did not know what happened because there was no way for my auntie to call him. But the next day I was expecting my father to be angry at me. The whole day I was thinking the phone will ring and it will be my auntie with all the news. But my father said nothing the whole day, and the next and the next.
Little did I know that my auntie didn't tell my dad first. She told my husband's parents first! It just so happened that the next day was Sunday, and my auntie and my husband's family were from the same village and went to the same Mass. So she told my husband's parents what happened.
Long story short, my father never said anything to me because my own husband's parents grounded him for one month. They said he brought shame to his family, so they punished him. For one month he could not see me or communicate with me for any reason. Somehow his father talked to my father about the whole thing, and my father was satisfied. A week or so later, my mother talked to me privately. When I told her that the whole truth of the matter was my husband's car did have a flat tire and nothing happened between me and him, she said, "I believe you," and said nothing more about the topic.
Later on I found out that my husband convinced his father, and later on my father, that our story was true, because my husband showed his dad his flat tire and the friend from Chalan Pago also swore that my husband came to him to borrow a spare tire.
Oh the good old days! So strict! But I think life was better in those days."
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